“Forests catch on fire, why not rivers?” — Lynnelle

“I hate being surrounded by people who want to socially interact with me.” — Anand

“You will be chained to a rock and have your eagle torn out by livers.” — Robin

“I am the right path. I am the only way.” — Lynnelle

“Screw this, just because I’m as old as Galois was when he died doesn’t mean I have to understand his junk ideas.” — Lynnelle

“I have abandoned math for SET. I have decided to become a professional SET player.” — Lynnelle

“I’m not actually in CS154…I can quit whenever I want.” — Lynnelle

“Eat your javascript, or else!” — Anand (to his computer)

“Everyone is all one people.” — Tony

“You’re a mathematician! How can you not have an infinite supply of anything?!?!?!!!?” — Lynnelle

“I was talking to this practitioner of psychicness… oh wait, they’re called psychics.” — Charles

“I like eating worms. Do you have worms?” — Robin

“But what if I want to be cremated with good teeth?” — Anand the Image-Conscious

“Yes, I sit in my room all day and drink” – Lynnelle “The Drunkard”

“You go to the store and see boxes of salt, and you think ‘these are boxes of death!'” – Moor(bid)

“Why did you just throw the penguin at the window?” — Anand to ccy

“The cows are making me feel inadequate.” — Moor

“I’m trying to imagine a nonorientable hippopotamus.” — Anand

“The Abyss.” — Moor
“The Abyss.” — Anand
“I wanna live there!” — Moor

“Who’s Darth Vader?” — Moor

“Hi, so I’m currently in the soda store…” — Moor (while in Walmart and talking to Marc on the phone)

“Happy morning.” — Anand

“The only thing you should do with eggs is make tomato and eggs. There is no other justification for the existence of eggs.” — Lynnelle

“Cable is the thing that gives you more channels, right?” — Moor

“Palm trees can drop knives on you.” — Ben

“That’s actually pretty high quality Mexican sounding gibberish.” — Matt

“Food is the thing that just emanates from parents.” — Matt

“I’m dying to come in contact with lava.” — Ben

“This cereal has soy in it… so it’s tofu!” — Matt

“How dangerous is it to ride a waterfall?” — Matt

“I forgot that the king is not a rook.” — Jack

“How old was I when I was 13?” — Moor

“I don’t see what’s wrong with going to Prison.” — Anand

Tony: “Are you saying that Euler is not good at math?”
Lynnelle: “I guess.”

“We can generalize to get some generalities.” — Moor

“Maybe I should use a bicycle instead of a telephone.” — Moor

“How did bears get to Antarctica?” — Jack
“For a moment, Jack thought that polar bears live in Antarctica instead of Arctica.” — Moor

“Why does Monday happen every Monday?” — Anand

“I’m not the most aggressive person in this room. I haven’t even killed you for calling me X yet!” — X

“I think I ought to be in preschool and I don’t understand why I’m not.” — Lynnelle

“There’s a clever bijection between finite sets with different numbers of elements” — Marc

“I think I’m going to sleep now.” — Jack
“What!? It’s not even tomorrow!” — Marc

“I didn’t know you did Michael!” — Anand

“I didn’t kill any commies because I’m not good at math.” — Robin

“Nam is like the Putnam, right?” — Robin

“The cow should be a pencil sharpener.” — Lynnelle

“‘Oh. I thought you were talking about eating Tom Lehrer’ – Dr. Dr. Prof. Moor Xu, MD, JD, PhD, CBE (Deceased)” — Anand and Robin

“If I fall asleep, it may happen.” — Moor

“I’m pretty omnivorous. I can eat all kinds of chocolate.” — Anand

Robin: “Is that really water?”
Anand: “Are those really hands?”

“The curtains fail at life.” — Anand

“The quaffle is now in possession of emacs” — Anand

“It’s almost as silly as heavier-than-air flying machines.” — Anand

“All batteries become less battery-ish as they get old.” — Anand

“Who gave all of those Chens a right to exist?” — Moor

“I wonder what happens if I staple my ear.” — Marc

“I should consider not walking into doors any more.” — Anand

“How is it legal for my PWR paper to segfault???” — Moor

“The special thing about \mathbb{R}^3 is that 3 = 1 + 2″ — Anand

“Russia is not a country. It’s a Russia.” — Lynnelle

“We should just resign and work at McDonald’s” — Lynnelle
“I’m not sure I’m qualified to work at McDonald’s” — Moor

“You know that the answer is going to be zero, so you do whatever work and then multiply by the coefficient of correctness, which is zero.” — Marc

“Moor’s quotes page is always right.” — Anand

“Linux should be standard on all operating systems.” — Robin

“They died from other causes, such as old age or death.” — Moor

“Severus Snape is in favour of CS.” — Anand

“Chinese people eat cyanide for breakfast.” — Anand

“Alternatively, I should be a salamander.” — Moor

“The pigeons are my relatives.” — Moor

“I will be on Central Coast Time.” — Robin

“Clearly I should die by decapitation!” — Anand

“I am a number theorist, and cancer patients are my data set.” — Marc

“The Navier-Stokes equation is engineering, so it’s not important.” — Anand

“What food would we eat on Tau Day?” “Terence Tao!” — Robin

“We should behead them and throw them into a pot of boiling cannibals.” — Lynnelle

“I am good at math.” — Lynnelle

“When I get a perfect score on the Putnam…” — Lynnelle

“6 is equal to 3 if you shout it.” — Robin

“I’m not a cannibal… I think.” — Moor

‎”I don’t have time to die!!!” — Moor

“This substitution definitely works… or at least it did two weeks ago.” — Moor

“I’m kind of a girl.” — Lynnelle

“You have a better idea of my gender than I do.” — Lynnelle

“I don’t believe in the existence of my head.” — Lynnelle

“What’s the probability of getting four voids?” — Moor

“Would you kindly consent to be thrown out of this room?” — Anand

“Music is like an abstract vector space.” — Tony

“Multiplication is not commutative.” — Catherine

“George Washington was a horrible president because he failed to prevent the Cold War.” — Nathaniel

“Why can’t 1 equal 0?” — Moor

“My relative ability to do math is higher than my ability to do anything else.” — Lynnelle

“I want to major in theology.” — Lynnelle

“I don’t want to do combinatorics anymore. All the insane people are in combinatorics.” — Lynnelle

“If math became pink I would quit math.” — Lynnelle

“They should change the election so that the candidate with the most Facebook friends wins.” -Marc

“If we can’t use it for SMT we can always use it for SMT.” — Moor

“Maybe it’s because he [Moor] doesn’t want you dead, so he can murder you [Nick].” — Jack

“One of my friends at Harvey Mudd is at Harvey Mudd.” — Nick

“I should be a nautilus.” — Moor

“One day, we will colonize the sun.” — Anand

“When I came to Stanford I didn’t know I’d be in a madhouse full of people celebrating the birthday of a stuffed penguin.” — Lynnelle

LY: I will get a -10 on the Putnam.
NW: -9001
LY: -1000000
NW: -\infty
LY: - |\mathbb{R}|
NW: -|\mathbb{R}|^{|\mathbb{R}|}
LY: negative the cardinality of the power set of that
TJ: The negative of the cardinality of the set of all sets
NW: The negative of the cardinality of the set of all sets of sets
TJ: That’s a set, so it’s contained in my set.
NW: But your set is contained in mine! So that means we’re equal.

“1pm might be too early in the morning.” — Moor

“I want to cut something paper-shaped.” — Lynnelle

“I thought 75% of Americans made up 10% of the US population.” — Tony

“I thought 75% of Americans made up 10% of the US population.” — Lynnelle

“I just got a lot of penalties. Now I am going to win.” — Moor

“I hate Chinese, but I love it dearly.” — Katherine

Nick Wu: “You got a gold medal in CGMO!”
Lynnelle Ye: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Nick Wu: “Not everyone can get a gold medal at CGMO! Alex Zhai didn’t!”

“Lynnelle’s sanity is inversely proportional to the craziness of her hair.” — Nick

“I thought that Euler was an idiot.” — Lynnelle

“There’s only one theorem in number theory.” — Lynnelle

“Four factorial is twelve!” — Lynnelle

“The policeman thought he was some junk person.” — Yichen

“They should put red carpet everywhere I walk.” — Ben

“In particular, puddle people are good for appearances.” — Moor

“Get in front of that moving bus.” — Moor

“I usually bike to the egg, so I don’t know how to walk there.” — Moor

“There was this restaurant in Shanghai that served cubical desserts of various viscosities.” — Ben

“I’m more edible.” — Moor

“Who needs logic? We’re mathematicians!” — Moor

“The arithmetic of negative numbers sounds really boss.” — Akhil

“May I rape you?” — Anirudha

“I am a torus.” — Akhil

“I really like poisoning pigeons.” — Moor

“What is an algorithm to divide by zero?” — Akhil

“What is an algorithm to divide by two?” — Andre

“The hole is not allowed to be annoying.” — Ben


“It shouldn’t be ethical to have English majors.” — Moor

“Kangaroos and penguins are both birds.” — Moor

“Penguins are mammals.” — Anand

“All the Republicans have guns, so they’ll prevent you from eating them.” — Anand

“Do airlines provide transportation?” — Moor

“Apparently, straws bend.” — Moor

“I don’t care if it converges… Just sum it!” — Eric

“If I open 2 no-clubs….” — Eric

“Weapons and swords are very different!!” — Matt

“I’m NOT an analogy!” — Ben

“Cutting hair takes longer than growing hair.” — Moor

“What does a water heater do? Does it heat water?” — Moor

“Just set pi equal to zero.” — Moor

“Usually 1+1=2, but sometimes it can be 4 or 0 as well.” — A physics TA

“Why should we care about living people?” — Moor

“This is far too technologically advanced.” — Moor (discussing pushing a straw through the top of a milkshake cup)

“I’m thoroughly disappointed in you.” — Melissa (speaking to a poster that had fallen down)

“America is a country that needs disaster.” — Moor

“America is a disappointing country.” — Moor

“But nobody ever says anything stupid!” — Anand

“I’m invisible.” — Moor

“I’m not alive” — Chris

“I think that if we appoint you [Moor] as a permanent dictator, the country might actually be better off.” — Eric

“I want to be normal.” — Carol

“That’s too smart.” — Carol

“I hate people.” — Ben

“Whenever I think about what I want to do, it’s always eating.” — Ben

“Moor read a book containing every fact.” — Matt // “That’s a very long book… He read the whole thing?” — Eric

“If I take the second derivative of this, I win.” — Eric

“They’re very picky cookies.” — Halley

“What we really need is a washing machine without water.” — Halley

“Defective, incompetent cloud!” — Ben (talking to fog)

“Your bones are hollow.” — Ben (talking to Moor)

“Humans kind of suck as a race.” — Evan

“I like being a heretic.” — Evan

“I don’t even know how old I am.” — Ben

“So you take the table, you flip it up, you put it on the wall, and it’s a clock!” — Evan

“Sugar is very different from water.” — Eric

“It’s a gingerbread man without gingerbread.” — Ben

“Whenever I ask them to explain bridge ethics, they say ‘It’s just ethics. You have to follow them.’ ” — Martin

“I don’t have a three dimensional computer.” — Ben; “That’s not a stupid quote!” — Martin

“It’s a civilization of clocks running around in a circle.” — Matt

“How to make fudge by democracy” — Eric

“It’s really hard to count.” — Eric

“I wasn’t sure how to count.” — Eric

“Just throw rocks at them, because that’s what you do to animals in pits.” — Moor

“Are you talking about uniformly continuous cows?” — Ben; “No, those are spherical.” — Matt

“It’s like rebidding a new suit.” — Moor

“Eugene has four colors: green, brown, gray, and boring.” — Ben

“I am your ISP.” — Eric; “I’d hate to have Eric as my ISP” — Moor

“Can I diagonalize a cow?” — Ben

“Eric may be happy, but is he human?” — Evan

“New York tends to be a big city.” — Moor

“What does music taste like?” — Moor

“2009 is not even enough.” — Moor

“Plain water is not worth drinking” — Iris

“When two things are very close together, they are within epsilon of isomorphism.” — Ben

“Religion is a virus” — Eric

“Let’s play some music without sound!” — Ben

“What, who, where am I?” — Martin

“Older people are older.” — Martin

“I listen to birds when they tell me to do things.” — Martin

“Basic utilitarian theory: I want to maximize the total pain throughout my whole life.” — Matt

“I’ve found that ethernet cables are really good whips.” — Moor

“Oh, does Matt not have a beard?” — Eric, after sitting next to Matt for a long time

“Carbon just doesn’t exist.” — Martin

“This world is flat.” — Eric

“What’s the point of getting a million dollars?” — Kevin

“So that’s what birds have in their heads: marshmallows!” — Ben

“I feel like an oyster.” — Ben

“You don’t need to breathe.” — Ben

“All sufficiently high numbers coincide.” — Eric

“Who grows fruit with seeds?” — Ben

“Beauty is countable.” — Eric

“I think it morally ought to converge.” — Eric

“I had been to school most all the time and could spell and read and write just a little, and could say the multiplication table up to six times seven is thirty-five, and I don’t reckon I could ever get any further than that if I was to live forever. I don’t take no stock in mathematics, anyway.” — Huckleberry Finn

“All theoreticians are cowards who are afraid to face reality”

“Let’s be really dumb!” — Eric

“You prepare x number of people in the same state.” — Matt

“Negative space in LaTeX code solves all of the world’s problems.” — Eric

“Extra credit will be available for any one who can prove they defenestrated another person.” — Ms. Grace

“The natural man inevitably rebels against mathematics, a mild form of torture that could only be learned by painful processes of drill.” — Woodrow Wilson

“A weather forecast predicts that for each day from Monday to Friday this week, there is a 40% chance of sun, a 25% chance of getting 4 inches of rain, and a 35% chance of getting 10 inches of rain.” — Alcumus

“First, we focus on growing bread.” — Martin

“I hate the real world! It’s really obnoxious.” — Eric

“I don’t understand water and gravity.” — Camille

“Due to rounding error, my calculation is perfect” — Martin

“Why is Kevin so dumb?” — Eric // “My thoughts do not exist.” — Kevin

“I fixed him [Martin].” — Halley

“Scribble would not make a bad dictator.” — Eric

“Scribble is basically Jesus.” — Martin

“I’m a failure.” — Martin

“I like wax. I eat it all the time.” — Martin

“Anything can be cured by money.” — Ben

“Eric is made for locking up.” — Ben

“I suspect that the optimal probability is between zero and one.” — Eric

“Different things are different” — Eric

“One is equal to three.” — Ben

“One equals zero.” — Camille

Moor: “One equals one…” Eric: “That’s not true!”

“An axiomatic theory of beauty…” — Eric

“A poem is basically a big string of ones and zeros that contains very little information.” — Eric
>>> Refinement: “A poem is a string with low Kolmogorov complexity.” — Akhil

“It’s so evil it pleases me.” — Babbs

“You’re taking over my life… but it’s not a problem, because you’re benevolent. ” — Thunder, speaking to Moor.

“That’s not how division works.” — Moor. “Well, it should be.” — Thunder

“I have to figure out how to divide.” — Martin

“I don’t sleep half hours. It’s not dignified.” — Ben

“I can’t believe that I’m washing a stuffed penguin in my kitchen.” — Ben

“He needs to be drowning this way.” — Martin, referring to Scribble

“I’m not fully awake until I get to bed.” — Eric

“I, as myself, hereby give myself permission to defend myself. Amen.” — Eric

“But 240 is less than 270.” — Moor. “I forgot that.’ — Thunder

“Montana shouldn’t be a state. It should be a big national park.” — Ben

“Dr. Eric has carefully considered all factors and is at work finding the optimal solution to maximize your health function” — Martin

“Actually, you’re starting to turn into Eric’s slave” — Moor, talking to Martin. “Oh well” — Martin

“Moor, I love you. I think you’re one of the best people I know” — Ben. Then ‘We’re going to repeat that back to you when you run for politics” — Martin

“[Eric] Larson’s a really good chair” — Martin

“All birds are the same species” — Martin

“This doesn’t require any energy to run, just a battery” — Eric

“Due to time constraints, Martin will not be digesting.” — Martin

“Hydrochloric acid tastes sour.” — Hocken

“Martin is basically like a bunny rabbit. He is the fuzziest person I know. He wouldn’t kill you.” — Ben

“Moor, don’t bite me.” – Martin

“It’s pretty clear that… what…? ” – Eric

“With massive loss of generality, x = pi”.

“WLOG: With loss of generality.”

“There is no measurement of density; something is either dense or not!” — Moor

“True or false: The Squeeze Theorem was invented for the purpose of torturing calculus students.”

“I would die without my TI-89.” — Martin

“Math is magical.” — Moor

“So really all I’ve done is created a bunch of meaningless notation.” — Eric

“Where’s my homework? I can’t find it! This is impossible by the Law of Conservation of Mass!” — Eric

“So obviously an interesting question is to calculate the value of 3” — Eric

“Homework is now optional.” — Krzenski

“Factoring Tricks: Make powerful factoring noises, add convenient terms, remove annoying terms.” — Martin

“Creative integration techniques” — Windom commenting on Moor’s computation

“For all epsilon less than zero…”

”I did the arithmetic twice, so it must be right!”

”12 + 1 does not equal 13. What a stupid question.” — Ben

“Lone pairs tend to attack things.” — Hocken

“Eugene will die.” — Ben

“So as we know, Wyoming has five people.” — Eric

“Moor looks like a bird.” — Ben

“Are you actually wearing a dish towel on your head?” — Ben. “Yes. Why aren’t you?” — Eric

“Are you actually wearing a plastic bag on your head?” — Bailey. “Yes.” — Eric

“Diamonds are revolting! No, don’t quote me on that. I like diamonds! Give me your diamonds!” — Ben


2 responses to “Quotations

  1. Pingback: New Quotations « Rambling Thoughts

  2. C March 2, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    lol this page is simply delightful. C=

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